Insurmountable No That Often Ends Relationships
By Dr. Richard BoyumIn every loving relationship there is at least one insurmountable no. In many loving relationships over the course of a lifetime a number of insurmountable no's may develop.
An insurmountable no is an experience, value or belief that cannot be resolved by a couple. Examples of this may be religious differences, dislike of a particular physical characteristic or behavior of a person and what is or may seem to be an incompatible life goal, i.e., I like children, you don't. In many situations the insurmountable no is a cause for the termination of a relationship. Individuals are required to turn back.
In other situations, insurmountable no's are confronted and understood for what they are. The couple knows that they cannot resolve this particular conflict over value, experience or belief, but they may choose to go over it, around it or under it. If we have a romantic ideal of love (we are romantic junkies), the insurmountable no is always a reason-excuse for ending the relationship. But in mature relationships, there is honest and serious discussion and debate as to whether this difference is so severe that it cannot be understood for what it is, respected and/or forgiven so that the relationship may continue. You might wish to look for insurmountable no's that have occurred in past relationships and keep your eyes open for those that will occur in newly-developing or existing relationships that are in evolution.