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January 17, 2018

Is It Healthy to Fight?

By Dr. Richard Boyum

There are a number of levels that one can choose to verbally interact with someone. Often we hear talk of a good fight in a relationship. Does such a thing really exist? The younger the couple or the more immature the couple, the greater the probability that fighting will be a part of the relationship. The more an individual knows who they are, the greater their ego strengths, the more centered they are in themselves and/or the greater their internal locus of control, the lower the probability that they will fight. The more an individual or a couple have weak, little or inflated egos, the more they are selfless/selfish and have an external locus of control, the more likely they will fight. Individuals who have more mature relationships may discuss, may debate and may have heated arguments, but the result of suck interactions are usually positive. There is increased awareness, acceptance and understanding, and very often productive change. In less mature relationships, interaction often escalates to fighting, which usually only complicated the matter. Individuals have to deal with the hurt and pain that comes from the fighting before they can begin to deal with the issues at hand.

Try assessing where your relationship is coming from and how you feel about the types of communications that do go on. Do you usually limit yourself to discussion, debate and even a good argument, or do you frequently find yourself escalating to the level of a fight? By studying your style of communication you may get some real ideas about where your relationship is headed. If you do find that you and your partner are fighting a lot; think not only what you are fighting about, but also what are you fighting for.