A Heads Up Relationship Can Go A Long Way
By Dr. Richard BoyumThere are a lot of different ways to look at what allows a relationship to work. One of them is focusing on how a relationship works above the neck. Consider using a rating scale of 1-10, with 1 being low and 10 being high, to rate you and your partner's relationship on these above the neck characteristics. See how the two of you together do.
Eye to eye contact How well do you and your partner look at each other eye to eye? When you are involved in a serious discussion or casual chatter, do you look at each other and hold eye contact? Seeing eye to eye is important. Also, when you look at your partner what do your eyes see? Do you find the look appealing and positive? When you are being affectionate do you and your partner share at least some of this experience with eyes open, face to face? When discussing a difficult subject can you keep in touch eye to eye?
Ear to ear contact Do you hear what your partner has to say and enjoy listening to them? Do you find the description of their day interesting to hear about? Do you seek out and want to listen to their thoughts, opinions and ideas? Do you like the sound of their voice? Do you understand what they say? In really good hearing like good harmony you can hear your partner at different levels of meaning. When your partner speaks to you can you often hear what they say with understanding at more than one level?
Mouth to mouth revitalization This is about two intimate acts of a relationship; talking and kissing with your partner. Does the talking and kissing flow like good dance partners? Does it feel natural? Do you feel better after doing both with your partner? Are these two of the things you look forward to doing in your relationship? If they haven't happened for a while, do you invite the process or bring it to your partner's attention? How often does you day begin or end with a kind word or meaningful kiss? In most really good relationships the talking and kissing are shared in balance, partners taking turns starting the process. While there are many styles of kissing and talking, each couple finds their own balance. These go from light pecks to long passionate kisses; from light chat to soul-searching conversation. In healthy relationships couples keep the process going at all ages and stages of their relationship. Whether you are 25 or 65, mouth to mouth revitalization is an important part of your relationship. And while words like "I" as in "I love you" show up and words like "you" as in " you make my life richer" the word "we" as in "we have a great relationship" show up most often. The real test of mouth to mouth revitalization is to find times when a prolonged intimate experience is satisfying by kissing only... and when you can feel good about your relationship after discussing a difficult topic for both of you.
Brain to brain contact While the brain is the most complicated organ in the human body, it offers a couple of the simplest tests. When you think about your partner, are your thoughts and feelings clear, positive, and simple to define? Brain to brain, can you trust you and your partner's thoughts and feelings and describe them to each other? Brain to brain, two people should easily be able to define their relationship as the center of their present life, with a shared vision of the direction their relationship will take in the future.
Nose to Nose While it may seem insignificant, scent is also an important part of a relationship. We each have our own distinct scent, we seem to be drawn to certain smells more than others. While good hygiene is important, remember that the nose knows.
Take a few moments and see how your relationship above the neck measures up. Congratulations, if you score high. Keep up whatever you are doing. If you score lower than you would like on any of these measures, it is time to get face to face with your partner and make some decisions about what it is you have to do to get more of a heads up relationship.